Tuesday, May 17, 2011

NaBloPoMo: Maybe, Day 17

My friend, Kari, just started a blog today. Yea for Mamma's Time Out! She wrote about being in mourning as her maternity leave ended and she came back to work at her church. Kari's baby boy is almost exactly 9 months younger than M, so we had fun with our monthly lunches and pregnancy stories! I had a talk with a church member about mourning today. Her husband died a year ago today; I went into labor 48 hours later. I was standing on the chancel leading the congregation in prayer at the funeral a few days after that.

She told me that this has been a rough month. I understand. Her husband's birthday was last week. Today is the anniversary of his death. Her first Mother's Day without the father of her children was the week before that. It's a difficult time with lots of important milestones to pass all at once in the first year of mourning.

Also this week was a death in the congregation of a women who has suffered with Alzheimer's for 7-8 years. People are tempted to sweep this family's mourning under the rug because she "has been gone for so long already." It doesn't matter. I don't think it means they mourn less; I think it means they mourn longer.

Pearl started to walk this week. LadyPrincess has less than month left of kindergarten. My little boy spend two weeks away from home without crying for home ever. I know these are all things to celebrate, but I think I may be feeling a bit mournful about some of them, too. My kiddos are growing up and with each step (literal and figurative) they move a little farther away from me. I mean, I don't have unhealthy feelings that they should be near me, with me, around me forever. I mean, I let my not-quite-4 year old leave for 2 weeks. But maybe as I'm watching this last one go through all the little bitty stages for our last time as a family, I'm mourning a bit that it's our last time.

I joke that keeping M small is God's way of letting me have a baby a little longer. Now that she's walking that doesn't work much anymore. Oh well. They've gotta grow up, right? There are fun times ahead (K's first dance recital is tomorrow!), and I look forward to so many of them. It just means I also have to say goodbye to my favorite parts of these times and that's not always easy.

1 comment:

Common Household Mom said...

I'm beginning to realize that mourning is just part of a mother's life. It is a bittersweet mourning that comes with doing the task of mothering, which is to prepare our children to live and work in the world.