Wednesday, May 11, 2011

NaBloPoMo: Maybe, Day 11

Maybe I'm turning into a runner. Today is supposed to be my resting day according to the Couch to 5K plan, but I'm sort of itching to get out and run. And it's 9:43 pm! I can't believe tomorrow is a rest day, too. I'll be ready to get my running shoes back on Friday even if it's on the treadmill. Ugh, I hate the treadmill, though.

I wonder if I should add in some strength training, or something else that's not running to mix it up a little. I think by now I've probably got myself in good enough shape that adding to the plan wouldn't risk hurting me. I think. I saw a workout plan for going. From a 5K to a 10K and that included something on every day of the week. Some days were running days and others were strength training days, so I bet I could do it without injury. I just need to find the time and the space.

I've been wondering a lot today who or what could have been if I had felt this physically successful way earlier in my life. What if I hadn't believed my own mental message that I was fat, lazy, slow, and completely unathletic? Would I have looked the same? Would I have felt the same? Would I have ended up with the same interests and priorities? Would I have been the I am now and would that matter anyway? I wonder if it would have been a better experience, particularly through junior high and high school. I wonder if I would have had more self-confidence and with it self-esteem. I may not have ended up in the church since so much of my attraction to the church was as a place. Of belonging when I felt like I had none. Maybe I would have felt accepted and included somewhere else and not felt the need to be in a church.

Then the next big question that came to me was how all this thinking and my experience should or will inform how I raise my kids, particularly my daughters. Do I encourage them to a more active lifestyle than I was encouraged? That's not right. I was definitely encouraged; I just chose to ignore that encouragement. Do I force them into a more active lifestyle? How do encourage health without creating body image issues?

Right. Now my plan is to model, model, model. My first runway show is.... Just kidding. I mean, I want my kids to see me making choices for activity over inactivity. I w ant them to see me prioritizing my exercise. I want us to do active things tougher so they don't resent the emphasis I'm giving exercise in my life. I want to give them plenty of options for active healthy activities whether it is playing outside in our yard, sports, dance, going for walks, whatever. I want to give the positive messages early on about their involvement in healthy activities to counter their own self-deprecating thoughts. I don't have negatives feelings at all about the messages I heard from my parents, but they had no idea how horrible the soundtrack was in my head. I didn't let them hear it, so I give them no blame. I guess what I want to try to do is speak only positive soundtracks around them, not just about them, but about me to show them it's healthy to love yourself.

I think that'll be my start!

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