OK, so I don't have a great track record with trying to do things daily around here. Let's be honest, I don't even have a good track record. I'm going to try anyway to participate in the NaBloPoMo daily blog "challenge" for the month of May. The topic is "Maybe."
I'm starting at at difficult time of an interesting day. I just sat in the common room of the Lutheran retreat center where I'm attending a synod meeting to watch the president announce the killing of Osama bin Ladin. i know there are going to be a lot of eloquent words typed in the days ahead, but mine will not be among them. It's 11:22 p.m. as I'm starting. My baby is sleeping in a Pack 'n' Play at the foot of my bed. And I don't know what I think.
Maybe I should be celebrating with thousands (more like millions?) across this country. Maybe I should be typing up pithy judgmental statements and putting them on Twitter, berating the folks who feel this is a time to celebrate. Maybe I should pray for the families of 9/11 victims. Maybe I should be worried about the use of the word "justice" in the president's speech. Maybe I should be sad that the world has come to this.
Really I'm feeling some of all these things, and trying not to act on any of them. Sometimes I think it's just too soon to act or react. Sometimes I just have to live with things for a while. On the one hand I see and can cognitively understand the joy some people are experiencing, but on the other I am just not there. Is it because I'm a mother? Is it because no matter how horrible he may have been I just can't imagine rejoicing at the death of someone's child? I don't know.
I know that I'm not comfortable with the word justice as I'm hearing it. I hear it as a deeply theological and spiritual term, and I hope the way it's being used is as a secular term. I don't know. Maybe.
I know that I'm not comfortable with a single line in the president's speech in which he said that bin Ladin's "death should be welcomed by all who believe in peace." It wasn't the whole speech (which over all I felt was well done), but it made me cringe.
I don't know. I don't know how I am feeling about everything I have learned in the last hour or so, but I know that I'm going to have to go back home and get in the pulpit on Sunday morning and speak about this before and among the people of God I am privileged to serve. Maybe they're unsure about it all, too. Maybe I'm not the only one stuck in this tension of celebration and confusion Maybe.