Saturday, September 20, 2008

Catching up

Where do I start when I've been gone for so long? I have lots of things I have wanted to blog about, but with ideas backed up in my brain it seems daunting to get started with any of them. Maybe I'll just speed blog:

1. The funeral a few weeks ago - - a blessing to be a part of such an intimate time not just for a family with a special needs young adult, but a community of families with special needs children and youth. I am really feeling this as a part of my call to this congregation and community even though I have NO other experience with these issues. I also can't imagine our congregation not being involved in ministry with this part of the community. This is our thing! We've been praying for our thing, and it's inspiring for me to find out that the faith-minded folks of the organization have been praying for my call and arrival, too. I feel the Spirit. I love it!

2. Family funeral this week - - I'm NOT a good recipient of condolences. I just am more comfortable doing my mourning in smaller, private circles. Maybe there's part of me that doesn't like to be vulnerable, but really I think it's less "wounded" than that. I just like my intimate support from a few close friends and family, not large groups. So, my grandfather died last week. It's awful hard to slip out of town unnoticed for a Sunday afternoon funeral across the country. I had to miss worship, and I had to leave a reason for my departure. Now I have to deal with cards, notes, and EXTREMELY kind words. I do NOT want to sound ungrateful. I am TOTALLY grateful for the love and support they are all meaning to convey - - and they are! I know that's what it is and what it means. It's just weird for me to receive it and feel like I have to be the hospitable one in receiving it, when really I'd rather not have it. Family dynamics are WEIRD and COMPLICATED in my family. Aren't they in most? This grandfather is not someone I knew, and not someone I will miss. I didn't know him enough to even be able to miss him. If anything his death just gives a chance to mourn again the fact that I never really got much of a chance to know MOST of my grandparents either due to death or screwy families. That's not stuff that translates well into a quick sympathy conversation. So I end up half-heartedly and somewhat insincerely accepting condolences, not knowing what else to do in the situation. I appreciate the sentiment. Is it selfish to wish I didn't have the sympathy, though? Sounds horrible!!!